Rule #65 - Look after yourself when poorly

When you are feeling, dont expect your MIL to ask you how you are. If you looked completely drained of all colour, dont expect her care or concern. Instead, give yourself the TLC you need yourself. Make sure you are well rested and take all the breaks you need. Look after number one.

Rule #52 - The Art of Compromise - Baby Steps

Accepting your limitations may require you to search for new solutions.

Remember when trying to reach a solution it may not be equal compromise at first.

However, this is extremely valuable when the other party is refusing to make any allowances at all, as it will give you scope and hope for further discussion and victory.

Rule #35 -Follow the Food Code

For large family get togethers, cooking food for 15 people can be very trying, especially if you already live with in-laws and have to cook large meals every day!

Here’s the Food Code!

1. Normal day-to-day family get togethers: tea, cake and biscuits. Have plenty of supplies in the house.
2. Special Casual Get together - have a one dish tea party – everyone brings a sweet or savoury dish each and have it with tea/fruit juice.
3. Special Formal Family Get Together (e.g. Eid, Christmas) – have a one-dish dinner party, where the hostess requests each family to bring one main meal dish. Serve with salad, rice/bread/pasta and a dessert.
4. A Very Special Treat – where you feel like cooking for everyone just to bring pleasure and joy into everyone’s lives – do it yourself, but try to keep it simple.

Rule #32 Learn to Love Your Non-Offensive Mess

If you have followed Rule #2 Clear Your Mess, and Rule #3 Create a Personal Space, you should to accept that any other mess lying around - children's clothes on their bedroom floors, magazines you were reading and didn't put away, the vacuum needs to be done - is "unoffensive" as far as Living with In-Laws is concerned.


Of course, if you don't sort out your kids' rooms they will get terribly messy, and if you you don't put away your mags after you've read them they can start piling up, and if you don't hoover regularly you will end up with a dirty house that will be harder to clean than if you did things regularly. We are not talking about living like pigs here - we are talking about not becoming frantic and obsessive to have everything looking perfect and keeping the in-laws happy!

Unoffensive mess is a part of life - it comes and goes, and should be done in your own time, in balance. Your kids toys don't always have to be put back in the toy box after they have gone to bed - although it is good practice to teach them to do it themselves; try not to get into the habit of always keeping your house in pristine condition. You know as well as I do that a woman who lives alone with her nuclear family automatically has less work to do, less cleaning to do, and less pans to wash at the end of the day - make things easy for yourself.

Learn to love your mess! You are not a bad person if you don't empty the dish drainer after washing the dishes, if you don't hang your coat up when you come in, if you don't put your shoes away, etc. This is your house too, so leave your mark!

If your MIL complains that you are not clearing up, assure her in the most friendliest voice you can muster, that you are going to clear it up -just-as-soon-as-you-get-a-free-moment.

If she sees you sitting down afterward reading your favourite book, and says "You should finish off your work before you sit down to read!" Remember Rule #31 and say "Oh, I just thought I'd take out some time to relax. I'll get right back to work once I'm done." (and don't forget to smile!)

Rule #31 - You can have a rest even if all your work isn't completed!

House work is an ongoing task - it never ends. You can vacuum & polish your house until it smells as fresh as a daisy, but give it two days and it will have collected all the dust and litter to make it look like you never vacuum! Even still, you have to make sure you respect your physicial limitations by taking time out to relax.

Well, I am here to give you permission to take regular rest-breaks even when you still have housework left to do. No more guilt - okay? If you're tired, or your back starts hurting due to being at the grindstone, you're going to sit down and relax until you feel rejuvenated to continue.

Now - here's the thing - MIL will walk in, see the cooking utensils scattered around the kitchen, notice a laundry basket full of clothes that need to be put away, and frown at you, as you are still in your pyjamas, curled up, reading your favourite mag.

Here's what to do: Look up at her and give her a smile, ask her what she's doing, how she's feeling... and get back to that mag again. If she asks you "Why have you stopped scrubbing, Cinderella?" reply with (brace yourself oh ye downtrodden DILs) "I thought I'd sit down, relax and recharge!" And if her jaw drops open at your audacity and insolence, pick an article that you think will interest her and start to tell her all about it! Most probably she will not agree with what you are reading and leave the room. If she starts cleaning up herself, let her do what makes her happy - you are, aren't you?

Rule #16 - If I Can't, then I Won't

If I can, then I will;
If I can't, then I won't!

Keep your limitations in clear view and do the best you can - and then just relax and enjoy life.

Rule #12 - Don't Take on More Work Than You Can Cope With

Try your best not to take on more work that you are physically and emotionally able to cope with.

It is very easy to point the finger of blame at others when in actual fact we have been to afraid to politely decline (I know, its a guilt thing!)

We often don't like to say how we feel because we don't want to sound like the bad guy. Instead, we go along with what the other person wants, and end up turning them into the bad guy! And then - we make them pay!

Be straightforward and forthright, and graciously decline!