Rule #56 - The Right To Pursue Your Best Advantage

'You have the right to pursue your best advantage as much as your in laws do, aswell as pursuing your rights.

Seek the pleasure of God in how you deal with them - it's easier to get things done/get out of things if you have good character instead of being grumpy.'

- Sheikh Faraz Rabbani

Rule # 51 - Who is your priority?

Try to make sure that in trying to be a good DIL, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, hosting their guests, etc. That you don't lose sight of your own priorities.


Once I helped a lady make a list of all the things that she does as a person. Her 'housekeeper' list was as long as her 'daughter in law duties', her 'mother' list was fairly small, and her 'wife' list contained two things: make breakfast and iron clothes.


This is no laughing matter. as I'm sure a lot of us have been in this situation, and may sadly still BE in this situation. Remember that your husband and kids come first. If you mess up on those two categories you are going to have a terrible marriage which in turn will affect the future of your children. If you are doing too much as a housekeeper and DIL that you are compromising your own self and nuclear family - its time to re-evaluate your purpose in life.

Rule #49 - Avoid Controversial Topics

In The Daughter in Law Rules, Sally Shield's Rule#44 discourages women from discussing politics and religion with their MILs. In my opinion, the principle behind this rule is to avoid talking about any topics you know will cause your MIL to snort at you and ridicule your opinions.

Dont go there! If you know that certain topics ( eg: home education, organic meat, the new marriage course you are taking, etc.) are going to bring out her dark side, save yourself the breath and heartache and talk about neutral topics, instead: how she's feeling, the grandkids, or your dh.

I'm not saying you dont pursue those controversial areas of your life - go for it and have a great time doing it! Just dont discuss it with you MIL.

Rule #34 - Dont regret having your old coping mechanisms

If you’re anything like me, when you find out that you could have done things differently, and things could have been so much better – you can often become so disheartened.

It is important to realise that ways you reacted in the past were coping mechanisms you put in place in order to survive the experiences you went through.

Now is the time to change, to acknowledge that you did the best you could, and feel proud that you had the wisdom to put those coping mechanisms into place – had you not had these survival techniques you could have gotten severely sick, broken down or even divorced from the man you love. :(

I’m here to tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you can put those old patterns to the side and step up with a new empowered way of being!

This is the new me, and I love it!

Rule #30 Dont Change When They Are Around

Work on Assignment 2 and BE YOURSELF when your In-Laws are around.

Make sure to carry on doing what you are doing even if they walk in and question what you are up to. Its OK to rest when you want, and it's OK to sit around doing nothing if that's what takes your fancy. Make sure you don't break Rule #2 & #3

If they ask what your doing, tell them!

"Just relaxing!"
"Thought I'd read some of my book - its just so interesting"
"On the phone with my friend!"

Don't forget to smile at them!

Rule #28 - It's OK to Make Mistakes!

You can make as manay mistakes as you want to, regardless of what your MIL says - you are not a failure.

Oftentimes MILs put so much pressure on their daughter in laws to "Get it right, and get it right first time round!" that it can put undue pressure on the DIL to be on her best performance all the time Thus in the event of messing things up, DILs feel like they are a big failure.

After your MIL remarks sarcastically that you are the worst cook around, (when the chicken has gone a tad dry in the oven while you were changing bambino's nappy leak), relax, take a deep breath and reply with smile: "This is a bit of a disaster isnt it? I think we should all eat sandwiches for dinner tonight!"

Reassure yourself that this is all part of the learning process and you can still make it into the Cordon Bleu. For now enjoy your imprefect cooking!

Rule #19 - Do the Right Thing, and Dispel Negative Energy

Pursue your interests,
Kindle your inner fire, and
Do the right thing;

And if people call you names,
Be silent and dispel their negative energy from within you;

Take the time out of your life to rid your self of bad energy.

Rule #18 - Be the Best Person You Can

... and rest assured that God will look after the rest.

Rule #17 - In the Face of Bad Energy, Send Back Good Vibes

When you are being your true and powerful self, your in laws may well feel intimidated by this and behave unpleasantly around you, with bad energy.

Perhaps they feel frightened of your Light, and the way they are behaving is the only way they know how to behave when afraid.

Feel content that you are Powerful Beyond Measure, and send out loving energy with the hope that someday they can realise that they have this Light within them, too.

Rule #15 - Flourish within your Limitations

Living with in-laws is not an easy task - you will have to be considerate in many areas that would not have mattered were you living alone.

Find out your limitations and see what you are able to do within them, flourish therein and pursue your desires!

Let the boundaries and hindrances form temporary barriers and accept them, knowing that you can flourish within them, too.

Rule #13 - Rise & Be the Better Person

...regardless of what they do.

You have business with God. It's between you and Him, not between you and them.

Loving Caution:

Remember to stay within your physical and emotional limits.

Have a tender love for yourself, and be gentle on yourself.

Feel the gentleness, love and mercy of God supporting you when you feel alone.

Rule #11 - Renew Your Intention - You Reward is with God

Don't ever set off doing things to make your in-laws happy as chances are you will end up very hurt, heartbroken and eventually bitter and resentful.

:(

Whenever your efforts and gestures are not appreciated or accepted, renew your intention - you're doing this for the pleasure of God, and no effort of yours will be in vain.

Rule #6 Get Your Priorities in Order

We all want to be ask generous and giving as we can, but we need to re-evaluate our priorities:

1. It's YOU, dear!
2. It's your dear husband and dear children
3. The rest of the world

Prioritise yourself, your dh and dc before feeling the obligation to tend to their desires. Look after Number 1, 2 & 3 and then the rest - if you have any energy left over - phew!

Rule #4 - Be at peace with yourself

Be at peace with yourself - you have no reason to feel guilty!

You are doing a very noble thing, and dont let criticsm, nagging or scolding make you feel bad!

You are looking after your elderly parents! Hold you head up high and be happy!

Rule #1 - Be Yourself!

Be who YOU want to be, not who your are EXPECTED to be.

If you suppress or let go of your dreams and ambitions, you will never be happy.

"So find your fire. Look in the mirror. Remember who you are. And all that you've dreamed of being. And then act. And when you get knocked down or discouraged or afraid. Get back up. Light up the fire. And stoke it until it blazes."

- Robin Sharma's Blog