Who I Am And What I Am Calling For...

About Me & My Mission

I have lived with my in laws since I got married and for a long time put up with their insulting behaviour. Remarks about how I should be raising my kids, cleaning my house, dressing myself, washing my clothes, phoning my friends, having too much things going on in my life.... you get the picture! They were upset with me when I didnt comply, angry when I took the initiative to do something I wanted to, and basically wanted me to do whatever they said – and for the majority of the time, I did!

Then things got too much – I had put up with it long enough and I was getting depressed. I used to dread coming back home when I had a good day out with friends or community service. My home was not my haven and I started asking my husband to take me out more and more... just to get away – yet I was so tired from the housework and kids, I just wanted to stay at home, curl up on the sofa and relax!

Then things changed... I started becoming more outspoken, confident and forthright. And they didn't like it! We started having feuds – the simplest request would turn into a war! And I started to get more and more ill. One day the doctor commented how much my health was playing up and insisted on blood tests – and that day was a wakeup call that I was letting everyone walk over me, and only I was suffering. If I ended up with a serious illness who would I blame? Who would I point fingers to? As much as I would have liked to blame them, I realised that it was all my fault. I had put up with it. It was time to stop.

Since then I have come a long way. I have become more independent, and I count myself as a human being, too! I want other DILs to be strong from day one, and not put up with what I did.

I am calling for harmony in the house, and a think there is a way to having success when living with in laws. Be nice. Do what you want, and let them do what they want. And if anyone steps on anyone else’s toes, understand that there is a problem, and work together to solve it. I think I could have avoided a lot of heartache had I done this from day one.

I think the main problems that women have when living with another family is lack of privacy, lack of time to do things you want to, and lack of support from the husband. I think this lack of support comes from a problem in communication – we simply are not diplomatic as our great grandmothers were – who also lived in huge family systems.

A couple can fight the world and overcome many hurdles – money problems, employment issues etc, as well as in-law problems if they are a close unit themselves – if they communicate well and understand each other. We need to get our point across without attacking, we need to state our desires without whining or nagging, we need to uphold our boundaries by taking a gentle yet firm stance, and not being a pushover.

I still have a lot more rules to write, and a lot more work to do on this website, so bear with me. I am going to add a section on how to communicate with your husband, also a section for how we can influence our husbands to change and become stronger men.

Thanks for joining me on my journey!

Renee Osman.

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